Wow. I'm really touched at all the emails I've received from people reading my blog and connecting to our story in some way. Thank you for reaching out and thank you for being there.
This past weekend was pretty ugly. For a couple of weeks now I've been all right. I've been able to manage, even be social and not freak out. I've been able to be around my pregnant friends, my newborn-having-mom friends, whomever.
But I think I was trying too hard to be "normal" and prove to myself that I can handle things as they were before we lost the baby. Well, things are not like they were before we lost the baby and I am not like I was before I lost the baby. I was a fool to think I was normal and things were all right.
And, well, needless to say, this weekend was not an emotionally sound weekend for me. Saturday was manageable, but Sunday did not fair as well. I was cleaning up the kitchen and was going through a pile of papers. I save just about every receipt I ever receive for some reason. And I came across a receipt for all the pregnancy tests I bought when I first found out I was pregnant with the second baby. When I found out I was pregnant that Monday morning in April, I was in shock. Seriously, I really didn't believe it. So that day I went to CVS at lunch and bought 5 pregnancy tests to hold me over until I got the confirmation from the doctor. The pharmacist laughed at me and I felt like a dork, but it didn't matter. I practically ran back to work and took another test in the bathroom. And that one and the four others I bought were all positive.
And here we are.
Anyway, I just want to thank all of you who have reached out to me. It definitely means a lot. And while the sun continues to rise, and I am "carrying on" and getting through the days, I still need help and support from you. Keep those shoulders handy because I'll need to lean on them soon.
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