Black Coffee In Bed

I was in rare form this morning. Before I get into my proud moment of the day, let me just fill you in on how I've been feeling. I feel yucky. I have not been sleeping well for some time. I think it started in San Diego when I was having a hard time with the time change. I finally slept well our last night there only to come home and have to get back on east coast time. Then the stress really started piling up with getting our house ready for the market. Ever since then, I barely sleep at night. I fall asleep but wake up early and can't go back to sleep. So I've been exhausted, stressed and grumbly.

Anyone that knows me knows I enjoy my coffee. I really enjoy my coffee. Well, you can imagine how much I've been drinking for the past few weeks since I haven't been sleeping well. This morning was no exception. After another early wake-up call, I went downstairs and turned on the trusty Keurig. I LOVE my Keurig. I mean lurve that Keurig.

Anyway, I go downstairs and turn on the Keurig. It's still dark and I don't turn on any lights except that light that's above the stove. We keep that on overnight. I stick my yummy Donut People coffee k-cup into the machine and press "brew." I get my phone and sit down to check my email while brewing.

After it's done, I go over to get it. But I don't notice my coffee mug in the machine. So I question whether or not I actually brewed the coffee. I couldn't have brewed it. I put my mug in and press "brew." I get the coffee and go downstairs to the office to do some work.

About an hour later, John comes down to the office and asks me if I had any coffee. I looked at him like he was nuts and he said that there was coffee all in the tray of the Keurig (See picture above. The tray is where the coffee mug is to go). Apparently I did brew the coffee the first time and it spilled all in the tray since I didn't have my mug there. I didn't see it because I didn't have any lights on. I don't know what I thought I did, but I was pretty sure I hadn't brewed the coffee. Well, I did.

So there you go. I'm an idiot. I'm a tired, non-sleeping, stressed out idiot.

Happy Monday!

With a Little Help From My Friends

Yesterday I finally posted to my running blog for the first time in 7 months or so. I mean, I haven't been running so what was the point of writing? As the post explains, there was more to it than that.

In case you don't want to read it, I'll sum things up for you here: I need help. I hate asking for it but I'm asking anyway. I cannot find my way back to running and it's really tearing me up. I try to get out when I can but it's been so hard with everything we have going on. So the inconsistency is making my runs difficult. Which makes me get down on myself. Which makes me not want to run...it's a vicious cycle. So I'm reaching out to whomever may want to listen, runners and non-runners alike, that I need help getting back on track.

You all know how running has always been my saving grace. And when we were going through the loss of our baby, it was the only thing that made me feel like I wasn't a failure. And I've tried to remind myself of that now. I have tried just about every trick I know to motivate myself to get back out there. But nothing works. If I'm honest with myself, I'll say that it's more than just being busy that's keeping me from running. I don't know what it is, but there is something bigger that's preventing me from getting that drive. What has changed? I don't know.

I was so lost during the time I was on bed rest with the girls. Sure, I put on a brave face and tried to stay postive. But the stress of the pregnancy, the isolation from being on bed rest and some other factors just screwed me up. And now, for some reason, I still feel that way. I now have the stress of moving, coupled with the stress of dealing with my new life and family dynamic. I have the isolation from my friends, who for some reason think we've already moved and have stopped including us in anything. I still feel lost. I'm in limbo between my life here and starting over in a new place. And it's screwing with me.

I know I can hang things up and try again when things aren't so stressful. I know that's an option. Really though, it's not an option for me. I need to feel like myself again. I need to feel like I'm not spinning out of control and that's what running is for me. So what do I do? How do I make this work when everything else hasn't worked?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!