It is way too hard to be happy and joyous right now. This year's holiday season sucks ass.
I'm letting people know right now that I am not happy it's Christmas, I am not feeling festive and I am certainly not in a good mood. I am sad. We were supposed to be welcoming a baby into our family. And we're not. It's not something to get over, it's not something that we can just forget and try for again. It's a loss of a member of our family and it sucks. This is not a happy time of year.
We are trying. We are trying to make it nice and happy for Keller. We are putting up the tree and Santa is loading up his sleigh. But behind the smiles there is sadness.
I told John last night that I'm not sending anyone holiday cards this year. If I had to pick a card right now, it would say something like "We hope your 2009 didn't suck as badly as ours," or "2010 can't be as bad as 2009, can it?" I was joking with John that the card can have a picture of Lola pooping with a Santa hat on. Crappy Holidays from the Gills! We didn't think the older relatives would appreciate it though.
I think I've moved into the anger portion of my grief now. That certainly has to be healthy, right?
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I'll Be Back Upon My Feet
Well, not too long after I wrote my blog post yesterday, I began the ultimate adventure.
John and I were getting ready for work in the bathroom and we were discussing Thanksgiving. I was completely distracted as I walking in and out of the bathroom. Well, on my way back in, I slammed my foot into the door. Not just into the door, but it hit between the door jamb and the door itself. My tiny baby toe was pulled so hard by the force that it broke, and I tore a ligament which dislocated the entire toe bone from the joint.
It was horrible! I broke another toe back when I was a kid, so I knew the pain and I knew I had broken my toe again. In fact, I could see the bone in the wrong place. I didn't know it was dislocated, but I knew that wasn't right!
I went to the doctor (the podiatrist) right away. They took X-rays and told me it was broken, I had torn a ligament, and it was dislocated. He had to reset the bone. Now, this really worried me because you see on all the doctor shows how painful it is to reset a bone. It is, but what's the painful part is the numbing. The doctor had to give me two shots of Novocain into my foot. One right below my toe joint and the other in the back of my foot. I screamed out, it was so painful. I made the doctor feel bad, he actually apologized. Once it was numb, he reset the bone. I didn't really feel pain at that point. I have this weird problem with bones. They completely gross me out. I can't have bones touching, like when I sleep on my side, the blanket has to be between my knees. When someone touches a bone, even if it's my elbow, I want to puke. So, I thought I was going to puke all over the place when he was resetting the bone. Thankfully, I didn't.
The doctor then put a plaster splint on my foot and I have to wear one of those gorgeous shoes. It's really sexy. And I can't run for a month. A month! I can't do anything for the next week. Then I get the splint off, and maybe I can swim then. After 2 weeks I can ride the recumbent bike (no weight on the foot). The doctor said because of the dislocation and torn ligament, the toe joint is very unstable and I have to be careful to let it heal correctly.
This would be all fine and good except I A) am a pretty avid runner and B) coach runners for a living. So, last night was the meeting of my 8K group. I followed them in my car. Well, I'd go ahead to show them where to go, then they'd catch up, then I'd go ahead, etc. It actually worked out very well. My runners now have their very own pace car, just like the professionals.
So, that's that. This was just perfect timing with the holidays coming. It was funny, one of my runners said last night that it wasn't all bad: the holidays on pain medication could be a good thing. I haven't gotten my prescription filled yet....
John and I were getting ready for work in the bathroom and we were discussing Thanksgiving. I was completely distracted as I walking in and out of the bathroom. Well, on my way back in, I slammed my foot into the door. Not just into the door, but it hit between the door jamb and the door itself. My tiny baby toe was pulled so hard by the force that it broke, and I tore a ligament which dislocated the entire toe bone from the joint.
It was horrible! I broke another toe back when I was a kid, so I knew the pain and I knew I had broken my toe again. In fact, I could see the bone in the wrong place. I didn't know it was dislocated, but I knew that wasn't right!
I went to the doctor (the podiatrist) right away. They took X-rays and told me it was broken, I had torn a ligament, and it was dislocated. He had to reset the bone. Now, this really worried me because you see on all the doctor shows how painful it is to reset a bone. It is, but what's the painful part is the numbing. The doctor had to give me two shots of Novocain into my foot. One right below my toe joint and the other in the back of my foot. I screamed out, it was so painful. I made the doctor feel bad, he actually apologized. Once it was numb, he reset the bone. I didn't really feel pain at that point. I have this weird problem with bones. They completely gross me out. I can't have bones touching, like when I sleep on my side, the blanket has to be between my knees. When someone touches a bone, even if it's my elbow, I want to puke. So, I thought I was going to puke all over the place when he was resetting the bone. Thankfully, I didn't.
The doctor then put a plaster splint on my foot and I have to wear one of those gorgeous shoes. It's really sexy. And I can't run for a month. A month! I can't do anything for the next week. Then I get the splint off, and maybe I can swim then. After 2 weeks I can ride the recumbent bike (no weight on the foot). The doctor said because of the dislocation and torn ligament, the toe joint is very unstable and I have to be careful to let it heal correctly.
This would be all fine and good except I A) am a pretty avid runner and B) coach runners for a living. So, last night was the meeting of my 8K group. I followed them in my car. Well, I'd go ahead to show them where to go, then they'd catch up, then I'd go ahead, etc. It actually worked out very well. My runners now have their very own pace car, just like the professionals.
So, that's that. This was just perfect timing with the holidays coming. It was funny, one of my runners said last night that it wasn't all bad: the holidays on pain medication could be a good thing. I haven't gotten my prescription filled yet....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
