Tired of Waiting

I'm currently waiting to see my doctor for my 6-week post babies visit. Apparently he's an hour behind schedule. I'm not really tired of waiting but that's the song title that has come to mind.

Anyway, the office staff let all of us know he was running behind. Most people were fine but one woman was pretty pissed. I get that. We have schedules too.

For some reason I'm not too upset. Maybe its because I'm here alone as John is home with the girls. It's pretty sad when going to the doctor becomes "me time." But that's how it is right now. But I'm also not too upset because my doctor is a rock star and well worth the wait.

I first started seeing him regularly when I was pregnant with Keller. He just takes such care with his patients. He calls me on the weekend with test results. He calls at night when he knows I'm worried. He calls even when I haven't called him just to make sure I'm doing all right. I've never had a doctor give a crap the way he does. I wish I could see him for everything!

So any doctors out there: take notice! Your patients will like you much better if you actually take the time to listen to them. They'll forgive the bad schedules and other inconveniences when you treat us well. Don't treat us like an inconvenience!

Who Needs Sleep

My babies are 5 weeks old today!

It has flown by. I feel like a year has gone by since they were born.

The first two weeks were pretty good in that the babies were eating and sleeping well and we thought we had it made. They are still good babies, but they are definitely developing their temperament and flexing their fussy muscles. The worst time of the day is between 6:00 and 8:00pm when it's starting to get dark. I think they have a hard time transitioning from day to night. But the past 2 nights have been good. Hopefully that will continue.

My parents stayed with us for 4 weeks, which was amazing. I don't think we could have survived without them. It was helpful for me to get the sleep and rest I needed to recover from surgery. I have had a really hard time getting back on my feet. Being on bedrest for so long and then the surgery, I get tired quickly and my body just can't hold out for very long. Plus dealing with two babies at the same time is a very physical job. I'm up and down, running around everywhere. Just taking them out in the car seats is a strength training session. And feeding them at the same time is a full-contact sport.

So this was the first week without my parents here. I have to admit that I was terrified of being on my own with the babies. Dealing with newborn twins is extremely difficult and you don't know how hard it is until you're actually doing it. No amount of preparation can really prepare you. The exhaustion is just beyond belief. Right now the girls are eating every 2-3 hours, but sometimes it's less than 2 hours. Sometimes they're not on each other's schedule and I can feed one at a time. But I finish with one and then feed the other, so I'm never really done because so little time goes by before I need to feed the first one again. Then when they're on the same schedule and I have to feed both of them at the same time, it's insane. Seriously, there is nothing more stressful than trying to feed two babies at the same time.

In addition to this being my first week on my own, it was also Keller's spring break off school. So I was dealing with him as well. While he's fairly self-sufficient, he's still only 5 and needs help with things. Or just wants things. And has a lot of energy. A LOT of energy. There was one point where I was trying to feed both the babies at the same time and he's running around throwing toys in our faces. He also likes to stick his face in their face when they're sleeping...which usually wakes them up. Oh, it was a fun week.

But we survived. The girls are now starting to smile here and there. They're making more eye contact and interacting more. And I could just eat their cheeks. They're filling out more as they gain weight and their cheeks are getting round and delicious! It's only going to get better from here.

Birthday

As I sit here holding a sleeping Ellen, I still can't believe these babies are here. It's been 9 days since their birth and it feels like they've been here much longer.

Their birthday was surreal. As I've mentioned before, there were growth concerns so we were scheduled to deliver earlier. I was 37 and a half weeks, which is full term, so everyone was confident that they would be all right. But there was always a chance they would have to go to the NICU. The main concerns were their weight, breathing issues and their blood sugar being too low.

We arrived at the hospital at 5:45am, Friday, March 18th. After checking in, we were taken to our prep room in Labor and Delivery. I was hooked up to the monitors and IV and the nurse  took my medical history. John changed into his surgery outfit. The doctor and surgical team arrived and it all started to get a little crazy because they wanted to keep the schedule on time. Things had been quiet and calm which was nice. I didn't have a c-section with Keller so I was pretty nervous and didn't know what to expect.

I was taken into the OR and given the spinal. They laid me down and started strapping me in. I was basically in a 'T' with my arms outstretched. I do not like not being able to move and started having a panic attack. I was overwhelmed with anxiety about the surgery, I was overwhelmed that the babies were coming and I started getting a little freaked out. John wasn't allowed in the room yet and I thought I was going to lose it. My doctor is so awesome. He took my hand and comforted me, telling me everything would be fine and there was no reason to be nervous. We have been through the hard part already. I will miss seeing him every week!

John came in and it was go time. I can't believe how fast it all happened. Within minutes, the babies were arriving. Ellen Joanna was born at 8:34am. The Neonatalogists took her and examined her. She was 5 lbs, 4 oz and perfect. She was squeaking and had no signs of any problems. It took her a while to open her eyes because her eyelashes are so long and were stuck on her cheeks! Then Brenna Jane was born at 8:36am. She was 5 lbs, 5 oz and also perfect. She too was squeaking and had no problems. Her eyelashes were also stuck but she was able to open her eyes up pretty quickly. John brought the babies to me and we cried. It was a mixture of relief, excitement and maybe a little worry, but it all felt good.

We were all rolled into recovery and it was all good. There were no problems at all. No NICU at all! They were perfect in every way.

Really, we could not have had a better morning. All the concern was short-lived and our sweet girls arrived without any problems. We couldn't have asked for a better delivery. And they are really good babies. They eat and sleep well, don't fuss too much and just fill our hearts! Keller is a proud big brother. While he's not always super excited about their presence, he's happy to have his baby sisters here and things start to return to normal. His Mama can play with him again and even though we have a new normal, things are pretty good for him. His sisters even got him some presents!  Overall, Keller is handling it very well.

We are so lucky and feel so grateful for our wonderful family!

Long and Winding Road

I was hoping I'd be able to post this before the babies arrived but the week before their birth was a whirlwind.

Even with the flurry of preparing for their arrival, it was a very reflective time for me. All the buildup was finally coming to a head. I had to take a moment to reflect on the pregnancy.

Really, this journey began in February of 2009 when we decided we were ready for another baby. I can't go into the months that followed because thinking about our loss is still very painful. And that time was my darkest. So when we found out we were pregnant the day before the year anniversary of our loss, it was more than just a coincidence. Still, we were guarded and terrified we would have the same result we did a year earlier.

When we found out we were having twins, it felt even more like this was a sign that maybe our luck was changing. Maybe we were destined to have the family we really wanted and this second baby was an added blessing. Again, we were scared but extremely hopeful.

There were problems, of course. But even with the problems, our doctor was so confident that things would work out. We put our trust and faith in him.

Then the work began. I had surgery in September. That was a tough surgery for me with a hard recovery. Then I went on bed rest in October. Then I started the weekly progesterone shots to prevent preterm labor. Then the gestational diabetes diagnosis. Then the contractions began which led to medication every 4 hours, including overnight. Then towards the end of the pregnancy there were growth concerns because the placentas were starting to poop out.

We worked so hard for these babies. We worked hard for Keller too, as that was a hard pregnancy too. So when people "joke" that we'll be so busy and crazy because of twins, that our life won't be our own and any other negative things, I just laugh. This is what we wanted. This is what we have been working for. Do you really think we would have gone through all of this if it wasn't what we wanted? Seriously, just the 5+ months of bedrest is proof that we would do whatever it took to have our babies.

Life always has a way of working out. It doesn't always seem like it in those dark times, but as I look at my newborn daughters, I can't help but be hopeful that life will work out. We may not always have peace but we will live with joy everyday.

Even though the rough and bumpy road to get here has ended, our journey isn't over. We are now blessed with these two beautiful babies, a wonderful son and a lifetime of possibilities ahead of us.

Mama He's Crazy

How could I not write about Charlie Sheen?

A part of me is enjoying the train wreck. It's amusing at times and makes for some good jokes. I personally like "I'm on a drug and that drug is Charlie Sheen." But another part of me thinks the madness needs to stop. The media need to stop indulging him with interviews and opportunities for him to spew his crazy. The guy has 5 children, all of them young. FIVE children. Think about that for a moment. There are 5 children that are going to have to deal with this mess at some point in their lives. It's one thing to grow up with a crazy parent. But it's another thing entirely that the craziness is captured on TV and magazines, online, etc. Over and over again.

I understand the need to hear about celebrity news as an escape from the "real" news. Trust me, I watch the news everyday and I can't take it sometimes. I'm terrfied of the rising fuel and food costs and worry we won't be able to afford much in the very near future. Hearing about the unrest in the Middle East is frightening. I also think the media punch up their stories and make them more frightening than they really are (which is a topic for another time). Celebrity gossip is a welcome distraction from the stress of everyday life. But really. There has to be a ceiling. Do we really need to meet the crackheads, I mean, girls living with Charlie Sheen? Do we need to know of their escapades together? Do we need to see inside their "porn room?" I'd like to think not.

I just wish if people stop talking about Charlie Sheen, maybe he will go away. The guy obviously needs serious help, both for his substance abuse and his mental issues. He has problems. Maybe if people made as much of an effort to actually help him rather than just indulge his mania, the guy would actually get better. But that's not going to happen any time soon.