Stressed Out

Yes, that's a song title.

And, yes, I'm stressed out. Not only do I have to deal with my nerves regarding Chicago marathon, but I have to deal with getting everyone ready to travel (including Lola!), finish things up at work since I'll be out, and find the time to fit in my final runs. Ack!

Though, I have had some moments of serenity. Last night was the second meeting of my Beginning 5K group at Fleet Feet. These people freaking rock. They are so excited and wonderful. It also looks as though everyone in the group (all 27 of them) really seem to mesh. There's lots of laughing and smiling, which makes me happy too.

And, right this very minute, I'm watching my just-over-3-year old child write letters on his little white board. He's writing! Legible letters! And spelling! It's crazy.

I so wish I could just wiggle my nose and be at the finish line of Chicago. I am really looking forward to it, but at the same time, I'm so nervous. I don't ever really get nervous before races. But I've been so looking forward to this one, and now the weather is going to be hot and it may not go as I'd hoped, which makes me anxious. Ugh.

Well, I'll try to blog while I'm in Chicago. If not, you'll most definitely hear all about the race, and Keller's first plane ride, when I get back.

Happy running!

The Bus

So, I live in Germantown and work in Bethesda. The commute truly sucks, so I take a bus to work just about everyday (Shout out Bus Route 70). I never thought of myself as a public transportation kind of person, and certainly not a bus. But I actually like it. I like it for several reasons:

1. I don't have to drive and deal with traffic.
2. I can close my eyes for an extended period of time, which is something you shouldn't do when you drive.
3. I can read, which is also something you shouldn't do while driving.
4. It's cheap cheap compared to driving. Driving: gas + parking = ~$13 a day. Bus: fare = $2.70 a day. Come on.
5. Did I mention no traffic?

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my car (especially my NEW car!) and I love the freedom and all that. But I also love not spending a lot of money on getting to work everyday and the numerous other reasons.

Why am I talking about this? Well, for some reason I have all my revelations on the bus. The bus became the place where I would do all of my thinking and soul searching. It was 30 minutes of uninterrupted reflection, I guess. While it was welcomed reflection most of the time, in the month after my grandmother passed away, the bus ride after work was always terribly depressing. I'd find myself getting terribly upset, even crying, on the ride home. I don't know why, it was weird. The bus does weird things. But, thankfully, that has passed.

This morning's bus ride was no different than usual. I read my book for book club, which I happened to finish about half-way through the bus ride. Which left about 15 minutes of reflection. The book I read, Love Walked In, by Marisa de los Santos, was really good. I loved it. It was sweet and sappy and predictable. The story ended with everything tied up neatly with a shiny, red bow. Sometimes that's what you need, which is pretty much where I am right now. But, what I didn't expect was the thought-provoking-ness of it. There was a little paragraph towards the end of the book (Spoiler alert for those of you reading that are in my book club), where the main character, Cornelia, is discussing the meaning of life. Well, as you know from the title of my blog, the meaning of life is always on the forefront of my mind. Cornelia explains how she used to think the meaning of life, that "real life," was the process of achieving what your heart desired, whether it was love, career, money, etc. It wasn't necessarily the actual desires themselves, but rather the process of getting them. This hit home for me because I have always felt that life was supposed to be some quest for the always-elusive brass ring. You go through life striving for something better than what you have now. What that "something better" is, I don't know. I'd know it when I found it. Then I'd want something better than that. Cornelia goes on to explain how she realized that knowing what is important to you, or what your heart desires, is really what life is about. Not the pursuit of the desire, but the desire itself. That's it! That's the meaning of life right there.

What is my heart's desire? A great husband (check); a beautiful, healthy child (check); a wonderful, loving family (check); kick-ass friends that care about me and I care about (check); a home that I love coming home to (check); and so forth. I'm not trying to say, "Hey, look at me. I'm GREAT!" Far from it. I just think it's time to actually appreciate what I have in life instead of always striving for something more. There are lots of things I wish were better, such as not having to worry about paying bills and increasing gas prices and global warming and bathing suit season (all of which scare the crap out of me). But I will try not to think about those things all the time and focus on the things I do love and don't have to worry about all the time.

So, for today anyway, I will love everything and everyone. I will try to appreciate things because I have the ability to. I will appreciate the fact that I have a job, instead of grumbling about my boss not even waiting for me to sit down at my desk when I arrive before telling me all the things I need to get done. I will appreciate the fact that I can run instead of being upset that my race went badly this past weekend. And so forth.

Wow, all of this in just a 30 minute bus ride!

I hope everyone has a great day!