P.S. I Love You

Dear Ellen Joanna and Brenna Jane, on your first birthday,

We made it, girls! Today you are one whole year old! It was quite a year, wasn't it?

You were born on a Friday. Ellen Joanna, you were born first. You arrived at 8:34 am, 5 lbs 4oz of perfect. The name "Ellen" means ray of light. You were the first baby I saw when we had our first sonogram and you filled my life with light from that very first moment. Your middle name, "Joanna," was given to you by my mother, your grandmother, Joan. She is the strongest, most wonderful woman on Earth and we hope you grow up to be just like her. The name "Joan" is a variation of "John," and it means God is gracious, and you're a gift from God.

Brenna Jane, you are our youngest baby. You arrived at 8:36 am, 5 lbs, 5 oz of perfect. The name "Brenna" has 2 meanings that we know: little drop of water (you were so very tiny in that first sonogram, we barely saw you! Just a little drop of water. We cannot live without water as it gives life and you, dear Brenna, gave us life.) and raven-haired maiden (we could see your hair on the sonogram!!). The name "Jane" is also a variation of "John." While Ellen's middle name came from your grandmother, your middle name came from your Papa. You are named after the most kind, wonderful man and father in the world. And you too are a gift from God. 

Who knew our lives could be filled with such joy and happiness with two little bits that weighed less than 11 pounds combined?? :)

I just wanted to let you know how much your family loves you. When you two arrived, you opened some doors in my heart that I thought were closed forever. I never in a million years thought I could be as happy as I am right now. And I know it's because of you and the light you bring into our lives. You complete our family.

You girls are my little partners in crime. Boy, do we have fun together. Just going to the grocery store is fun when you're with me. Let's see, in your first year of life, you've already seen some pretty awesome things that some people will never do in their lifetime like watch the Royal Wedding (hey, it was a big deal! And watching it live with you two and your brother was silly fun!); you've been on 6 airplanes already (and you travel better than most adults!); you've lived in two states on opposite sides of the country; you've been to the beach and put your little toes in the Pacific Ocean (some people go their whole lives never having done that!); you've seen whales, dolphins and seals swimming in that ocean; you've completed your first 5K (the first race in a loooong running career, I hope!).

You've already been there for your family in big ways. You've been to your Papa's new lab where he's going to discover ways to improve our health and lives; you've been to your brother's baseball games, saw him graduate from Kindergarten and start 1st grade at a brand new school, smiled through his belt tests at karate, watched him run almost 120 laps (which is 30 miles!) at running club and so much more. And you were there when I completed my first California race. I can't imagine how we ever got through life before you two arrived!

We are so excited for what lies ahead for you and for all of us. You two are the most gentle, sweet souls. One can't help but smile and feel good when you're around. I start every day of my life seeing the smiling faces of my three beautiful children and it just fills my heart with light and love. There is no better way to start a day! Watching the three of you play together, hearing those squeals of delight, it makes me feel like my chest is going to burst. I hope you always know how much you mean to us and how much we love you. There is nothing you can't do and I will always be your biggest cheerleader.
 
Happy First Birthday, Ellen and Brenna!

Love always,
Mama

P. S. I love you!

Can I Get A Woop Woop

Ok, so the posts lately have been a little on the down side. What do you expect? It's been a shitty time for us. But now let's turn things over and try to lighten the place up.

I wanted to give you a funny image to think about. But first, there's some background to cover. When we got our Pilot, it came with a 3-month trial subscription to XM Radio. Well, 3 months is just long enough to get completely hooked on something and wonder how you ever got by without it. It's really a very good business model on the part of XM Radio. But I digress. Our trial period ended on June 30. I wasn't sure if I was going to renew it simply because it's another expense that's just not necessary. But then, after a few days of not having it and having to listen to *gasp* regular radio, I changed my mind. Sure, I can listen to my iPod or CDs, but I get really bored of my music sometimes and need a break. Plus, I absolutely fell in love with the U-Pop station. It's music from all over the place, and it's so much fun. It's the pop heard round the world as they like to say.

Anyhoo, I set up our account and we were ready to go. But nothing came through that first day. I thought we just needed time for the account to go through or whatever. Day 2: no U-Pop. Day 3: no U-Pop. Day 4...you get the idea. Finally, I called and we had to refresh the signal to our radio and then tune it to a particular station for 15-20 minutes so it could receive the signal. Fine. So, I had that done while I was at work yesterday so that when I drove home, I could get the signal. By the time I got home, I thought we were good to go. Nope.

I was home really late because I had the 5K planning meeting until 9 PM and John needed to go on a run as soon as I got home. So, because I was now obsessed with getting this stupid thing back up, I had to figure out a way to do it but not leave the house. I went inside and got a new signal sent to the radio (you can also do it online). I went out to the car and turned the radio to the special station and let it sit. I went back inside so I could hear if Keller woke up at all. Then I started getting paranoid about the car being open and someone stealing my car. I ran back and forth between the house and the car for a couple of minutes. I was also cooking dinner at this time, so I couldn't leave the stove either. Finally, dinner was ready so I took my plate and sat in the car and ate dinner. I would run inside every minute or so to make sure Keller wasn't waking up. I was hoping John didn't come home so I wouldn't have to explain the lunacy.

But, after 20 minutes I had U-Pop! Yay! And one of my new favorite songs happened to be on: Shake It by Metro Station. Double Yay!

Oh, the things we do for love...

Juno

I just finished watching Juno.

I'm actually not really sure if I have all my thoughts together yet. This movie was so good. For those of you that haven't seen it, man, what are you waiting for?

First of all, runners are totally cool.

Second of all, Allison Janney is awesome.

Anyway...

I would think most people would think this movie is just about teenage pregnancy. Maybe on the surface, yes, it's about teenage pregnancy. But beneath the surface there is so much more. It's about love and life and finding out what makes you happy.

In my post the other day (The Bus), I wrote about how I finally realized that life isn't about trying to figure out how to get the things we want. It's about what is important to us. So, when you are alone and you're thinking about the things that make you happy, that's what life is about. When you find yourself actually with the things you have wanted all along, well, then, you're set. There's no more looking. Life isn't about the constant strive for whatever it is we think we're supposed to want.

Juno just brought all of what I've been thinking about full circle. Ever since I wrote that post the other day, I have felt kind of free. I have felt like this weight just sort of dissolved. We're allowed to be happy with what we have, we don't always have to be searching for something greater. Not if what we have already is what we truly want anyway.

In my hopelessly romantic world, I've always been a follow-your-heart kind of person. It's always nice to find that I'm not the only one. So, Juno, rock on.

The Bus

So, I live in Germantown and work in Bethesda. The commute truly sucks, so I take a bus to work just about everyday (Shout out Bus Route 70). I never thought of myself as a public transportation kind of person, and certainly not a bus. But I actually like it. I like it for several reasons:

1. I don't have to drive and deal with traffic.
2. I can close my eyes for an extended period of time, which is something you shouldn't do when you drive.
3. I can read, which is also something you shouldn't do while driving.
4. It's cheap cheap compared to driving. Driving: gas + parking = ~$13 a day. Bus: fare = $2.70 a day. Come on.
5. Did I mention no traffic?

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my car (especially my NEW car!) and I love the freedom and all that. But I also love not spending a lot of money on getting to work everyday and the numerous other reasons.

Why am I talking about this? Well, for some reason I have all my revelations on the bus. The bus became the place where I would do all of my thinking and soul searching. It was 30 minutes of uninterrupted reflection, I guess. While it was welcomed reflection most of the time, in the month after my grandmother passed away, the bus ride after work was always terribly depressing. I'd find myself getting terribly upset, even crying, on the ride home. I don't know why, it was weird. The bus does weird things. But, thankfully, that has passed.

This morning's bus ride was no different than usual. I read my book for book club, which I happened to finish about half-way through the bus ride. Which left about 15 minutes of reflection. The book I read, Love Walked In, by Marisa de los Santos, was really good. I loved it. It was sweet and sappy and predictable. The story ended with everything tied up neatly with a shiny, red bow. Sometimes that's what you need, which is pretty much where I am right now. But, what I didn't expect was the thought-provoking-ness of it. There was a little paragraph towards the end of the book (Spoiler alert for those of you reading that are in my book club), where the main character, Cornelia, is discussing the meaning of life. Well, as you know from the title of my blog, the meaning of life is always on the forefront of my mind. Cornelia explains how she used to think the meaning of life, that "real life," was the process of achieving what your heart desired, whether it was love, career, money, etc. It wasn't necessarily the actual desires themselves, but rather the process of getting them. This hit home for me because I have always felt that life was supposed to be some quest for the always-elusive brass ring. You go through life striving for something better than what you have now. What that "something better" is, I don't know. I'd know it when I found it. Then I'd want something better than that. Cornelia goes on to explain how she realized that knowing what is important to you, or what your heart desires, is really what life is about. Not the pursuit of the desire, but the desire itself. That's it! That's the meaning of life right there.

What is my heart's desire? A great husband (check); a beautiful, healthy child (check); a wonderful, loving family (check); kick-ass friends that care about me and I care about (check); a home that I love coming home to (check); and so forth. I'm not trying to say, "Hey, look at me. I'm GREAT!" Far from it. I just think it's time to actually appreciate what I have in life instead of always striving for something more. There are lots of things I wish were better, such as not having to worry about paying bills and increasing gas prices and global warming and bathing suit season (all of which scare the crap out of me). But I will try not to think about those things all the time and focus on the things I do love and don't have to worry about all the time.

So, for today anyway, I will love everything and everyone. I will try to appreciate things because I have the ability to. I will appreciate the fact that I have a job, instead of grumbling about my boss not even waiting for me to sit down at my desk when I arrive before telling me all the things I need to get done. I will appreciate the fact that I can run instead of being upset that my race went badly this past weekend. And so forth.

Wow, all of this in just a 30 minute bus ride!

I hope everyone has a great day!