Here Comes The Sun

I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted.

I've been wanting to post. I have formulated posts in my head and thought about what I would want to talk about. It all comes back to the baby and what I've been dealing with in getting through our loss. I know not everyone really wants to read about it so I don't post. But then I think, "Um...it's my blog. My thoughts."

Anyway, the past few months have flown by. A lot has happened but a lot hasn't happened too. I feel like I really turned a corner with my 50K back in March. Since then I have run another marathon, a few half marathons, a 10-miler, etc. Running has really been my salvation. It's been fun. But I have also come upon the date where I found out I was pregnant last year and now a lot of my time is spent thinking about what I was doing last year at this time and how different I thought things would be now.

But I feel like I actually have the strength to deal with it now. I can sit and think about what we lost and not feel that hole in my heart. I am not over it, please don't think I've moved on. But I feel like I've found my strength...I have finally found the strength to not only wake up each morning but get out of bed.

Back one morning in April, I was taking Keller to school and "Here Comes The Sun" came on. Keller and I listen to the Beatles every time we're in the car. And while this song has come on a million times before, this one morning it came on and it hit me. I was welcoming the sun in my life. I could feel happiness again and it felt good.

Wow. It was huge. There were tears streaming down my face as I listened to the words to the song. The sun was shining on me and the long, cold winter filled with sadness and despair was behind me. The memories are still there and I can still feel the sadness and I miss what would have been, but I can look forward now. I can see that there's still a huge, long sun-filled road ahead of me.


Here Comes The Sun
The Beatles (George Harrison)

Here comes the sun, doo da doo doo
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's alright

Little darling
It's been a long, cold, lonely winter
Little darling
It feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's alright

Little darling
The smiles returning to their faces
Little darling
It seems like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's alright

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

Little darling
I see the ice is slowly melting
Little darling
It seems like years since it's been clear

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say,
It's alright