Saturday, January 1, 2011

Let's Get It Started

Another year over, and a new one's just begun....

When I look back on 2010, it was nothing short of an emotional roller coaster ride. There were so many emotional highs and lows, I don't even know where to begin with my retrospect.

We started the year in what could only be described as an emotional downward spiral. January 5th was the expected due date of the baby we lost and it was so hard to come up on that date. Many of my friends were having their babies at that time and it was just awful for us. Words cannot express just how awful it was. So we just secluded ourselves, had a lot of family time and did the best we could to get through.

One way that really helped me deal was running. I know I have bestowed the virtues of running time and time again, but I really don't think I would have gotten through the grief if it weren't for my immediate family, a few friends and running. It was an escape for me and time for me to feel physically strong when I wasn't strong emotionally. And even though we were under 800 feet of snow for the winter, it was something I never gave up. It was my salvation.

March marked my first 50K. It was such a triumphant event for me. Not only did it tax me phyically and mentally, but I felt like I finally broke free of the web of grief I had been in for so long. Yes, I still cried after that. Many times. But I felt like I was beginning to really conquer the demons and move on with my life. It really was a great day. I wrote about it on my running blog and won't go into tremendous details here.

I did a number of races after that one, another marathon, a few half marathons, a 200-mile relay. It was a busy spring. Coaching Girls on the Run and my beginners through Fleet Feet definitely helped me feel like myself again.

May marked John's 40th birthday. I think he handled it pretty well, considering a month later he shattered his time in the Olympic distance triathlon at the DC Triathlon. He killed it. We actually missed seeing him during the race because I misjudged where he would be. Oh well, Keller and I had a good time. We also aknowledged his birthday with a rocking 70s birthday party (because John is a product of the 70s). Getting dressed up in tacky 70s garb, eating fondue and dancing to the tunes of the decade was definitely fun.

In June we celebrated Keller's graduation from pre-K. It was such a great ceremony and of course I cried. Really, is that a surprise? It was so cute as all the little ones sang and celebrated themselves as they got their little diplomas. And it reminded me of just how quickly time is going by.

As we approached the anniversary of the loss of our baby, emotions were definitely running high. July was a tough month. And I kind of see 2010 as two different years: one that began in January and ended on July 22nd and the other beginning July 23rd. The anniversary was July 24th and it was the 23rd that we found out that we were pregnant. It was such a bittersweet time and I kind of have a hard time thinking about 2010 before that day. We feel so incredibly lucky to have gotten pregnant again and we hope and pray every minute that this will work out.

The months since finding out we were pregnant, and then pregnant with twins seem like a blur. There was our vacation in the Outer Banks, Keller starting kindergarten, his 5th birthday, my surgery. Really, up to that point, we had had so many issues with the pregnancy, it was hard to believe everything would be all right. They continued and then I went on bed rest. I spent the last 10 weeks of 2010 on bed rest. UGH! But things seem to be going well with the babies. My issues are under control and now we're just hoping the next 10-13 weeks go by without a problem. And we can bring our little babies home.

As I close the door to 2010, I just want to thank everyone that helped us get to this point. For me, I will be eternally grateful to those of you who stuck by me, let me cry on your shoulder, and didn't expect me to act like there was nothing going on. And now it's time to look forward to the future. I'm open to all the wonderful things that will happen for us.

Happy New Year!