Sunday, March 27, 2011


As I sit here holding a sleeping Ellen, I still can't believe these babies are here. It's been 9 days since their birth and it feels like they've been here much longer.

Their birthday was surreal. As I've mentioned before, there were growth concerns so we were scheduled to deliver earlier. I was 37 and a half weeks, which is full term, so everyone was confident that they would be all right. But there was always a chance they would have to go to the NICU. The main concerns were their weight, breathing issues and their blood sugar being too low.

We arrived at the hospital at 5:45am, Friday, March 18th. After checking in, we were taken to our prep room in Labor and Delivery. I was hooked up to the monitors and IV and the nurse  took my medical history. John changed into his surgery outfit. The doctor and surgical team arrived and it all started to get a little crazy because they wanted to keep the schedule on time. Things had been quiet and calm which was nice. I didn't have a c-section with Keller so I was pretty nervous and didn't know what to expect.

I was taken into the OR and given the spinal. They laid me down and started strapping me in. I was basically in a 'T' with my arms outstretched. I do not like not being able to move and started having a panic attack. I was overwhelmed with anxiety about the surgery, I was overwhelmed that the babies were coming and I started getting a little freaked out. John wasn't allowed in the room yet and I thought I was going to lose it. My doctor is so awesome. He took my hand and comforted me, telling me everything would be fine and there was no reason to be nervous. We have been through the hard part already. I will miss seeing him every week!

John came in and it was go time. I can't believe how fast it all happened. Within minutes, the babies were arriving. Ellen Joanna was born at 8:34am. The Neonatalogists took her and examined her. She was 5 lbs, 4 oz and perfect. She was squeaking and had no signs of any problems. It took her a while to open her eyes because her eyelashes are so long and were stuck on her cheeks! Then Brenna Jane was born at 8:36am. She was 5 lbs, 5 oz and also perfect. She too was squeaking and had no problems. Her eyelashes were also stuck but she was able to open her eyes up pretty quickly. John brought the babies to me and we cried. It was a mixture of relief, excitement and maybe a little worry, but it all felt good.

We were all rolled into recovery and it was all good. There were no problems at all. No NICU at all! They were perfect in every way.

Really, we could not have had a better morning. All the concern was short-lived and our sweet girls arrived without any problems. We couldn't have asked for a better delivery. And they are really good babies. They eat and sleep well, don't fuss too much and just fill our hearts! Keller is a proud big brother. While he's not always super excited about their presence, he's happy to have his baby sisters here and things start to return to normal. His Mama can play with him again and even though we have a new normal, things are pretty good for him. His sisters even got him some presents!  Overall, Keller is handling it very well.

We are so lucky and feel so grateful for our wonderful family!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Long and Winding Road

I was hoping I'd be able to post this before the babies arrived but the week before their birth was a whirlwind.

Even with the flurry of preparing for their arrival, it was a very reflective time for me. All the buildup was finally coming to a head. I had to take a moment to reflect on the pregnancy.

Really, this journey began in February of 2009 when we decided we were ready for another baby. I can't go into the months that followed because thinking about our loss is still very painful. And that time was my darkest. So when we found out we were pregnant the day before the year anniversary of our loss, it was more than just a coincidence. Still, we were guarded and terrified we would have the same result we did a year earlier.

When we found out we were having twins, it felt even more like this was a sign that maybe our luck was changing. Maybe we were destined to have the family we really wanted and this second baby was an added blessing. Again, we were scared but extremely hopeful.

There were problems, of course. But even with the problems, our doctor was so confident that things would work out. We put our trust and faith in him.

Then the work began. I had surgery in September. That was a tough surgery for me with a hard recovery. Then I went on bed rest in October. Then I started the weekly progesterone shots to prevent preterm labor. Then the gestational diabetes diagnosis. Then the contractions began which led to medication every 4 hours, including overnight. Then towards the end of the pregnancy there were growth concerns because the placentas were starting to poop out.

We worked so hard for these babies. We worked hard for Keller too, as that was a hard pregnancy too. So when people "joke" that we'll be so busy and crazy because of twins, that our life won't be our own and any other negative things, I just laugh. This is what we wanted. This is what we have been working for. Do you really think we would have gone through all of this if it wasn't what we wanted? Seriously, just the 5+ months of bedrest is proof that we would do whatever it took to have our babies.

Life always has a way of working out. It doesn't always seem like it in those dark times, but as I look at my newborn daughters, I can't help but be hopeful that life will work out. We may not always have peace but we will live with joy everyday.

Even though the rough and bumpy road to get here has ended, our journey isn't over. We are now blessed with these two beautiful babies, a wonderful son and a lifetime of possibilities ahead of us.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Mama He's Crazy

How could I not write about Charlie Sheen?

A part of me is enjoying the train wreck. It's amusing at times and makes for some good jokes. I personally like "I'm on a drug and that drug is Charlie Sheen." But another part of me thinks the madness needs to stop. The media need to stop indulging him with interviews and opportunities for him to spew his crazy. The guy has 5 children, all of them young. FIVE children. Think about that for a moment. There are 5 children that are going to have to deal with this mess at some point in their lives. It's one thing to grow up with a crazy parent. But it's another thing entirely that the craziness is captured on TV and magazines, online, etc. Over and over again.

I understand the need to hear about celebrity news as an escape from the "real" news. Trust me, I watch the news everyday and I can't take it sometimes. I'm terrfied of the rising fuel and food costs and worry we won't be able to afford much in the very near future. Hearing about the unrest in the Middle East is frightening. I also think the media punch up their stories and make them more frightening than they really are (which is a topic for another time). Celebrity gossip is a welcome distraction from the stress of everyday life. But really. There has to be a ceiling. Do we really need to meet the crackheads, I mean, girls living with Charlie Sheen? Do we need to know of their escapades together? Do we need to see inside their "porn room?" I'd like to think not.

I just wish if people stop talking about Charlie Sheen, maybe he will go away. The guy obviously needs serious help, both for his substance abuse and his mental issues. He has problems. Maybe if people made as much of an effort to actually help him rather than just indulge his mania, the guy would actually get better. But that's not going to happen any time soon.