The Kid is All Right

I cannot believe it's been almost 2 weeks since I've updated my blog. That's the longest I've ever gone. Really, the most I've ever gone between posts was maybe 3 days. This is a sign of how things have been.

Things have been rough. Just really busy with work, coaching, home life, yoga teacher training, etc. I kind of feel like I'm drowning. But this is the last day of teacher training, so hopefully I will start to get back to normal soon.

I've been having some kind of emotional block with my running lately. I just do not feel like running. I run with my groups, and it's always great. I look forward to running with them tremendously. But all other runs just don't interest me. I have been trying to figure out why. I was looking through my running log for the last couple of years to see if there were any patterns. Do I always get like this in the fall? Has this ever happened before? Etc. Well, the thing that I noticed was that there was a definitely loss of mo-jo this summer. I was doing well until about mid-July. So, I was trying to think about what was going on and it hit me. All the crap that had been going on this year was catching up with me: my grandmother dying, Archie dying, my mom's illness, Keller's issues at school and me trying to find him a new one, work issues, the list goes on. It really came to a head in August. I had floundered at the NYC Half Marathon and was really low. I then had my own health problems, and while everything is fine, I just never recovered emotionally from it all. I didn't stand a chance at Chicago.

I'm writing about this because, as you know, running is a very big part of my life and when it doesn't go well, it radiates through everything. It's a good example of the mind-body-connection. When the body fails, so does the mind. Well, for me anyway.

I have been thinking about the groups that I coach and how I invest so much emotionally with them. Really, I do with all my clients. And one of my groups, the beginning 5K group, just makes me so happy. They all make me happy, but this one is different. They are so inspiring and motivating because they are so excited by what they're doing. They've never run before and the fact that they can run now, and not pass out, is invigorating to them. They feel unstoppable. Was I ever like that in my running? I don't remember. I need to try and be excited by my running.

I just think I need to be "in the moment" more with everything, but especially my running. I need to focus on one day at a time, and not just on a particular race or event. I need to have fun so it doesn't feel like work. Because it was for a while. I've been training for something since December of 2005. This is the first time in 3 years I'm not training for anything. I can have fun and run because I love it. I'm not saying that training for something isn't fun and all that, it is. But I'm just burned out on racing. It's time to just run.

So, that's my rant for the day. I need to go prepare for my last day of teacher training. I have to teach a class and the thought makes me want to pass out. Yay!