The Final Countdown

It's one week until we leave Maryland. I'm actually a little reluctant to say that because there's a chance closing on our house in California will be delayed. That doesn't really sit well with me because there's so much we have to do before we leave and we kind of don't have that much time to do it in. I can't even think about it.

I have so much swirling around in my head right now and I don't really know where to begin with this post. A part of me wants to go into the emotional side of things. I've been saying goodbye to a lot of people lately and it's really wearing me down. But talking too much about that really tears me up. A part of me wants to talk about the people I'm going to miss the most, and perhaps the people I'm going to miss the least, but I wouldn't want to single anyone out ;) And then I could go on about the stress of it all. I feel overwhelmed by it all but yet I am not freaking out as much as maybe I should be. I mean, I'm not sleeping well, which is how the stress is manifesting for me. I haven't been able to run much, which is also having negative effects on me.

I just feel like things have been moving so fast, but yet moving in slow motion at the same time. It's a strange feeling. We're in limbo for a lot of things and that is what is feeling like slow motion. Yet, at this time next week I'll be locking my house up for the very last time and heading out of Maryland.

When we closed on our Maryland house last week, I unexpectedly cried as we left the closing. This is the longest I've lived someplace other than the house I grew up in. To think about everything that has happened for us in the 10 years we've lived in this house makes my head spin. My babies came home to this house. The memories we have here are just too great to even put into words. It's really hard to believe that we won't be here anymore. I know that we will have a wonderful life in California and I know we will make new memories. This is just a stop on our road. I get that, but it doesn't make it any easier to leave.

But what makes this even more weird is that there are things, people, places, etc. that are making it really easy for us to leave. Which kind of hurts, in a way. Especially the people aspect. There are people that we thought were part of our lives here, that we thought we were important to, but, as it turns out, we apparently are not. Some "friends" haven't even made an effort to see us before we leave. No calls, no emails, no texts. Nothing. That sucks.  To come to the conclusion that a friendship you thought was important, where you thought YOU were important to someone and vice versa, is very difficult. And to have to deal with those emotions on top of everything else is very hard. But I guess this is an example of how people, places, things, etc., come in and out of your life for a reason. There's a place and time for everything and I guess these people, places and things served their purpose for our time here, but their usefulness has been worn out.

So it's with mixed feelings and emotions that I go through this last week here in Maryland. When I close my door for the final time, I will do my best to focus on the happy times here, the things that made me grow as a person and all of us grow as a family. I will focus on the people that mean the world to me and the bonds that are between us that will never break. And I'll look out and know that there are wonderful things in store for us.