My Girl

My little, tiny 5 lb babies turn one in one week.

Needless to say, I have been an emotional wreck. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this birthday. But the past couple of weeks have been particularly emotional for me. I even had a crying jag in Target one afternoon. I was looking for outfits for them to wear for their birthday party and saw all the tiny little newborn clothes and it just slapped me in the face that my girls are growing up. My kids are all growing up and I hate it.

I look at Keller and he's such a big boy. I mean, I have to remind myself that he's only 6 because the way he acts, how incredibly smart he is and how tall he is all point to him being much older than 6. He is doing well in school and learning so much, we have actual conversations about real things. He isn't the little boy he once was and it breaks my heart. Yet, I am excited to see the young man he is going to become. He says now that he wants to be an anatomy professor. We'll see what happens, but I see only great things ahead for him.

And really, I don't know if I can write about the girls growing up. I'm already crying as I type this. If you see typos and poor grammar, just chalk it up to the fact that I can't see through my tears. It feels like they were just born yesterday. They are now walking (while pushing something, not by themselves). They wave and clap. They laugh and squeal. They are quite possibly the happiest babies in the entire world. Being with them makes me feel so good. I walk someplace with them and am in awe of how many people smile and stop to look at them. It makes me happy to know the girls make people smile. And now they are no longer infants. They are still little but they are growing up way too fast. It hurts sometimes just thinking about it.

When Keller was born, literally the day he was born, I cried to myself because I knew someday he would leave and be his own man. I don't know why but for some reason that thought came into my head. I was overwhelmed with love for this tiny being and I couldn't imagine a single day without him by my side. And then I realized that he wouldn't always be by my side. He would have a life to lead and become a great person. And I guess I'm coming to the same realization with the girls. They will have their own lives to lead and be great people.

I know that's a long way off. Trust me, I get that I'm being irrational. But if this first year went by so fast, it's only going to go by faster as they get older. I mean, Keller is 6 now! It's just all happening so fast for me. But I am definitely doing my best to savor every moment I can. I love them all so much!

Happy birthday Ellen and Brenna!