Guilt

Guilt is a strange thing.

I believe we as human beings have the ability to feel guilt to keep us in check. You know, so the vast majority of us don't run around doing terrible things to everything and everybody. Or, at least we'd feel badly about it if we did. But why is it that some of us take it to the extreme?

I have the tendency to feel guilty about just about everything I ever do. Some days my guilt is so overwhelming, I have to lay down. But then, I just lay in bed and think about all the things I could have or should have done differently in the course of my life. It doesn't matter that I can't change how things have turned out. I'll still sit there. I know I'm not the only one that does this, so don't judge me.

It is only Tuesday and I already feel guilty about a plethora of things. I feel guilty that I didn't run yesterday (I have a cold and feel like poo). I feel guilty that I left work early yesterday because of said sickness (I took sick time, it's not like I cut out early). I feel guilty that I drove into work both yesterday and today. And this guilt is twofold: I'm spending money needlessly on gas and parking and I'm killing our planet and contributing to global warming. I feel guilty that I had to go to work in the first place because when I left this morning, Keller didn't want me to leave. This is a rare thing, hence the guilt. I feel guilty because one of my oldest friend's birthday was Sunday and I didn't wish him a happy birthday until today. I could really be here all day.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Really, what is accomplished? Feeling guilty isn't going to change the fact that I didn't run, or left work early, or drove into work this morning. Ah! I hate this. But the real shame in all of this is: most of the things I feel guilty about don't really matter. Seriously, in the grand scheme of life, does it really matter that I didn't run yesterday? No, because I know I'll make up the miles. OK, so it does kind of matter that I drove into work because that does affect not only my finances but the planet. But I take the bus so regularly, doesn't it kind of even out? I think it's normal for most parents to feel guilty about working when they'd rather be home with their children, especially when they're super cute like Keller. That's just the way it is.

I could sit here and blame my parents for laying guilt trips on me, or my religion for instilling the guilt factor. But that doesn't accomplish anything either. The truth is that I do this to myself and no one is really responsible for how I feel other than me. But what do I do to stop this vicious cycle of guilt?

I guess the important thing to realize here is that most of the guilt I feel is unnecessary. I can recognize when I should feel guilty (I'm sorry, Bobby, I hope you had a great birthday) and when I shouldn't. I will make myself feel better by telling myself that I'm only human, born to make mistakes...wait, that's a song. But it does apply.

Anyway, that's the deal today. Maybe it's the weather that's contributing to these feelings. It's rainy and ugly outside. But I know I'm not responsible for that. Yay! No guilt there!