Yer Blues

This year is seriously testing my faith in being happy.

The year started off crappy with my grandmother getting sick and ultimately passing away. Then Archie died. Now the issues with Keller's school, which we have decided to get him into a different school. The process of finding another school is going to be hard, not to mention the adjustment for him and us when he ultimately starts the new school. Now we find out that my mom has cancer in her tongue. And because the mouth is connected with the rest of the digestive tract (esophagus, etc.), there is a possibility it could spread. As of right now, the cancerous area has been removed and there isn't much more treatment she will need at the present moment, but she has to be monitored and tested frequently. She used to smoke, which they are attributing to this, but she quit over 25 years ago. Kind of makes you question why you should try and be healthy if shit is just going to happen anyway.

What in the hell is going on?

Seriously, I'm about to lose it. I took yesterday off from work so I could just chill and get myself together. Keller didn't want to go to school (not a good sign) so he stayed home with me. We had a really nice day, but nothing too relaxing. We drove up to my parents' house in NY last night and so we're here for the weekend. I didn't get much sleep last night so I just feel horrific right now.

I understand that life is going to throw you curve balls every now and then. I get that. But this has been a constant stream of curve balls sailing by our heads and occasionally clocking us. There's only so much a person can take before they lose it. Because I'm prone to losing it, I'm a bit concerned for my own well being. I have a tendency to slip into deep depressions and I have been in and out of sanity for the last year. I was so depressed trying to find a job last year and that finally passed once I started to feel comfortable at my current job. Now with the year the way it's been I have been on a roller coaster ride emotionally.

I don't really know why I'm writing all of this. I guess it helps to have an outlet. I don't have any philosophical notions to share with regard to any of this. I'm not feeling very full of perspective right now. I'm feeling sorry for myself and all I want to do is cry, which I've been doing way too much of lately.

Life can really freaking bite sometimes.