Yesterday I finally posted to my running blog for the first time in 7 months or so. I mean, I haven't been running so what was the point of writing? As the post explains, there was more to it than that.
In case you don't want to read it, I'll sum things up for you here: I need help. I hate asking for it but I'm asking anyway. I cannot find my way back to running and it's really tearing me up. I try to get out when I can but it's been so hard with everything we have going on. So the inconsistency is making my runs difficult. Which makes me get down on myself. Which makes me not want to run...it's a vicious cycle. So I'm reaching out to whomever may want to listen, runners and non-runners alike, that I need help getting back on track.
You all know how running has always been my saving grace. And when we were going through the loss of our baby, it was the only thing that made me feel like I wasn't a failure. And I've tried to remind myself of that now. I have tried just about every trick I know to motivate myself to get back out there. But nothing works. If I'm honest with myself, I'll say that it's more than just being busy that's keeping me from running. I don't know what it is, but there is something bigger that's preventing me from getting that drive. What has changed? I don't know.
I was so lost during the time I was on bed rest with the girls. Sure, I put on a brave face and tried to stay postive. But the stress of the pregnancy, the isolation from being on bed rest and some other factors just screwed me up. And now, for some reason, I still feel that way. I now have the stress of moving, coupled with the stress of dealing with my new life and family dynamic. I have the isolation from my friends, who for some reason think we've already moved and have stopped including us in anything. I still feel lost. I'm in limbo between my life here and starting over in a new place. And it's screwing with me.
I know I can hang things up and try again when things aren't so stressful. I know that's an option. Really though, it's not an option for me. I need to feel like myself again. I need to feel like I'm not spinning out of control and that's what running is for me. So what do I do? How do I make this work when everything else hasn't worked?
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!
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4 comments:
Jenn, I've found that (for me) motivation is really, really hard when I have to run by myself. I'm a sucker for negotiating with myself and failing to work out or run just because I'm feeling lazy. Maybe the thing to do is to TELL your running friends when you THINK you might be able to run, and they can keep you accountable and pull you out of the house and into a short, slow run as you make your way back. Believe me, all of your friends understand what you've been through, and no one would think of bailing on a run just because you might be slower than you'd like. For me, running is always difficult by myself: I need the social aspect of it to get myself out the door, even if it means we don't talk a lot during a run. Just having someone with me helps, and maybe it'll help you.
So, let your running partners know you're ready, and don't worry about your pace, or walking, or anything else. Your friends are here for you.
Ok then. Meet me to run and be prepared to run slowly and possibly walk... :) Still up for this coming Thursday?
Thursday works! I'll touch base with you on time and place...
I could be up for a run/walk some time. Of course your slow run is still fast for me. Let me know what evenings work for you. I have an appointment on the 30th but other than that I am free. Also can do weekend mornings too. :-)
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