Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Turn! Turn! Turn!

Beware, I think this post is going to get a little philosophical and introspective. You've been warned.

It's funny how life moves in cycles. I don't know if 'funny' is the right word, but you know what I mean. The year 2008 has been a very ugly year for us. We've lost loved ones, we had family members ill, we needed to move Keller to a new school. Now, I am facing some health issues of my own. I don't want to get into details until I know more, but I have to get some tests done and I'll know more next week.

I was thinking back to 2004-2005. This was the beginning of the worst and best period of my life. The worst being me leaving my job, having a very complicated pregnancy and getting my identity stolen. The best being the birth of sweet Keller. The way I felt then is much how I feel right now, which is why I brought it up. That feeling of complete helplessness and not knowing if things will ultimately be all right. AH! That feeling bites. And that's how I feel now.

But, everything did turn out all right. The cycle of life continued and the issues we had in 2004-2005 were resolved, for the most part. So, in my heart, I feel like everything will be all right now. But I remember in 2004-2005, getting to the "everything will be all right" part took a really long time. And it wasn't pretty. So, I'm a little scared of the current path to "Everything will be all right."

I decided to take next week off from work. I'm not going anywhere. But that week is the week before Keller starts his new school and we will be bringing him there each day. So, I'll be spending most of the week with him, which is great. I just need to get my head together. I feel like I'm spinning right now and I just need to step back and regroup. Hopefully I'll feel better by the end of the week.

Hey- I just realized it's Tuesday. No wonder I feel shittier than usual. Oh well. Wake me up when it's Wednesday.

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