The Warrior

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a year since I wrote something on this blog. I guess things have been busy. Or I haven't felt much like writing. Yes, both of those.

Thoughts about a blog post started coming in as I was reading my new favorite book, Carry On, Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton. It was chosen by my book club and I'm so glad it was.

Glennon is my new favorite person and she has been added to my very short list of non-family/friend heroes. Before this new addition, my one hero was (and is) Molly Barker, founder of Girls on the Run and all-around amazing woman. I've written about her a few times (here and here, to start) and had the pleasure of meeting her for the first time when we were starting Girls on the Run of Montgomery County many moons ago. Once we were approved to start our chapter (or council, as they are called), we had to go to Charlotte, NC for meetings with the higher ups of the organization, get trained, meet other new councils and have a nice girls' weekend. We were doing a coach training and playing some ice breakers. When it was my turn to say something, I mentioned how the trip to Charlotte for this training was the first time I had left my then baby Keller for more than a few hours (he was about 14 months old at the time). I cried, of course, and Molly cried along with me. It was just a moment I'll never forget because in most situations, that would have been super awkward and I would have been mortified for crying. But in that moment, I was accepted. My feelings were accepted and welcomed. Great, great moment. Over the years, I've met with her a few times and I feel like my life was definitely enhanced by her presence. Granted, she probably doesn't remember me but I remember her.

Glennon reminds me greatly of Molly. Glennon has lived her life, as she puts it, protected by her many superhero capes. You know, the capes we put on to hide ourselves and our true feelings: the "I'm perfect" cape, the "I am fine!" cape, and so on. Just like Molly's Girl Box. You know, the box we're put in throughout our lives. We have to look a certain way, act a certain way, but we can't be too pretty or too smart, among other "can'ts." The Girl Box sucks. Anyway, after the living the majority of her life hiding her true self, her true feelings, and pretending to be someone everyone wanted her to be, Glennon found herself a decade-plus into bulimia, alcohol and drug addition, scared and newly pregnant. She was faced with a choice: continue the downward spiral into oblivion or get better, remove the capes and become a mother. She chose the latter and now, another decade-plus into sobriety, motherhood and marriage, she shares her stories with us. And I relate to her on So Many Levels. From the issues with food and substances (which is why I'm an anal runner and nutrition freak now!), to pretending to be someone others want me to be, I just feel like she speaks to me. What she shares, I feel. To know that it's ok to be who we are as long as we're truthful.

Between Glennon and Molly, both of which I follow on Facebook and Twitter (the links from their names lead to their Facebook pages if you're interested), I get daily, multiple daily, reminders that I am enough, that it's ok, and together, we can do hard things. And while I may seem to be handling things well on the outside, there are times when I'm in the fetal position on the floor wondering how this all happened to me. Trust me. I am. We all are. And it's ok. And I know that the gifts I have are enough. And you are enough. And together we can do hard things. We just have to show up.

People, man or woman, I highly recommend Glennon's book. I highly recommend following Glennon's blog and Molly's blog. They are smart, insightful, hilarious women. Their words will delight you and pull at your heart strings, but it feels good to actually feel.

Carry on, Warriors!

Driven To Tears

I received a call yesterday from a little girl who participates in the New York Road Runners Youth Programs, which is funded by Team for Kids (the organization I'm raising money for). I wasn't able to take the call when she called, so I was listening to her voicemail as I was in the car (hands-free through Bluetooth, of course!). Her name is Keara and she is a sweet little girl. She wanted to talk to me and thank me for raising money for Team for Kids as I train for the New York City Marathon. She said she couldn't imagine how hard it was to train for a marathon. She wanted me to know that she would be rooting for me, and cheering me on every step of the way. I was brought to tears.

As I'm crying my way home, her words are dancing in my mind. She can't imagine how hard it is to train for a marathon. Honestly, I can't imagine how hard it is to be a kid now. I mean, it was hard to be a kid when I was growing up. I was bullied, made fun of because of my skinny legs, my pipe cleaner arms and my chicken neck (that was a personal favorite), among other things kids are so cruel about. But there weren't things like blogs and Facebook and Twitter where my bullies could broadcast my shortcomings to the outside world (they just chose to write lovely things about me in the bathroom, on my locker, etc). I can't imagine what kids go through now, where it seems everyone knows your business. Sure, some kids put more of their business out there than they probably should, but that doesn't mean they deserve to be bullied. My point in bringing this up, is that I handled my being bullied through running. Those skinny legs and pipe cleaner arms got strong and have carried me through so much. If it weren't for joining track in the 8th grade and continuing with it each year, I don't know how I would have gotten through the torture that was high school. Running gave me confidence. It helped me see that I'm more than what the bullies pick on and my real, actual friends, don't care that I have skinny legs or pipe cleaner arms. My track coaches took a chance on me and were certainly glad they did because those skinny legs helped me eventually win races :) Ok, maybe the coaches had something to do with it too.

But not every kid has a track team to help them. Not every kid has the opportunity to meet people that believe in them and value them for what they already are. That's what Team for Kids provides: a chance for kids to build confidence, to build friendships, to live happy, healthy lives. I want to help these kids so much. They deserve to be happy and live their lives feeling good about themselves. I can still hear the gratitude in Keara's voice when she thanked me. It brings me to tears every time I think about her. How she is cheering me on when she is the one that needs the cheerleader behind her all day, telling her how much she is loved and how much we believe in her. But at least she has the programs provided by Team for Kids to be a part of.

That's where you can come in and help. Team for Kids, which through the New York Road Runners, will provide free running programs to kids and teens throughout our country and South Africa. They have already helped thousands of kids, and ultimately their families, get the information they need to be healthy. These programs help kids feel good about themselves, feel like they matter and feel like they are able to achieve greatness, whether it's in school, in sports, or just in life. Without these running programs, there's no telling where these kids would end up. 

Please help me help these kids. There are 5 weeks left until my fundraising deadline. I've already raised over $1600, helping 33 kids participate in these free programs. But there is so much more to do, so many more kids to help. For me, I still have over $900 to raise before October 5th. I know times are tough right now. I know the economy sucks and every cent is hard to part with. I get that. Which is why NO AMOUNT IS TOO SMALL. It will mean so much to the kids and families who receive your support. And your contribution is pretty much instantaneous: all of your contribution goes towards providing these programs. It's not so much about helping me, but helping them!

You can read more about my goals, what Team for Kids and the NYRR Youth Programs do and to donate to our cause by going to my personal fundraising page here: http://www.runwithtfk.org/Profile/PublicPage/8956 No amount is too small and EVERY bit helps! Please forward this email to anyone who you feel would like to give back to a wonderful organization. The more people we reach, the more kids we help. Thank you to ALL of you who have already donated. You can still help by forwarding this email to everyone you know!!

Today

Today marks 3 years since we lost our second baby. I can't believe it's been 3 years already.

We have conflicting emotions. We are still sad. We still think about what "could've been." It's especially hard when Keller says he wants a brother. He had a brother.

But then we think that because of that loss and the year it took us to get through it and try again, we have our girls. Had we not gone through that horrible period, they wouldn't be here. In fact, so much of our life would be different. I don't think we would be here in California. I think we would still be in Maryland. I'd probably be still working as a government contractor. Life would be so different from what it is now. Would it better? I don't think so. I don't know. Like I said, it's conflicting emotions.

I think about that first anniversary. We found out we were pregnant the day before. We didn't know then we were having twins but it was so strange that we found out we were expecting so close to the anniversary. There was definitely divine intervention involved to ease the pain of that day. And then to find out we were having twins? It isn't that our lost baby was "replaced" and we were suddenly over it. But we were given a gift when we thought all was lost. In fact, we were given two.

I will try today to not dwell on what we lost. It still hurts and I still cry but I am grateful for what I have. I know how lucky we are to have 3 beautiful, healthy children. I will focus on that and look to our future together.  

Cuppycake

I have officially lost my mind. Huh. I wonder how many times I've started a blog post saying that.

Anyway, I have been on a cupcake kick since a friend of mine was here over Memorial Day weekend and we visited the one and only Sprinkles Cupcakes in La Jolla. It isn't THE original Sprinkles, but it is the original recipes, style, etc. that you find at all the Sprinkles. Sprinkles is the very first cupcake bakery and it started the whole trendy cupcake business. I know, my obsession is late in the game, but better late than never.

Sprinkles pretty much rocked my world. I haven't been able to get cupcakes really out of my mind. I told you, I'm insane. This has been going on since Memorial Day, so well over a month. When we went to Disneyland, we had to make a pit stop on the drive home to the Sprinkles in Newport Beach. Yes, we had to make a pit stop (notice the bold and underline!). Then I decided to try every cupcake place I came across. You know, in order to make an informed decision as to who makes the best cupcakes. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it. Below is a list of what I've discovered so far, including some cupcake places from back in Maryland. For comparison purposes, of course.

Sprinkles (La Jolla and Newport Beach, CA): Hands down, the very best cupcakes in the world. I've sampled quite a few varieties. You know, to be sure I am making an informed decision. I've had the coconut, milk chocolate, peanut butter chip, peanut butter chocolate, red velvet, strawberry, vanilla milk chocolate, chocolate marshmallow (my favorite so far).

Little Cakes (Vista, CA): We happened upon this place when we went to a waterpark that's down the street from the bakery. They had a sign out front that said they were winners of the Food Network's Cupcake Wars. I hadn't seen that episode, so I was intrigued. We worked up a great appetite at the waterpark and headed to Little Cakes. It's a really cute place and the people there were super nice. I met the owner, Don, who was on Cupcake Wars. We sampled The Norman (named after one of their dogs), the Cannoli cupcake and the Strawberry Milkshake (that one rocked). It was hard to choose which ones to try as they have a pretty extensive list. 

The Danish Bakery (Carlsbad, CA): Now, this isn't an official cupcake bakery. But one day when I picked Keller up from his summer camp in Carlsbad, I was jonesing for a cupcake. Thanks to my Yelp app, I found the Danish Bakery was around the corner from where we were. I had the carrot cake cupcake and Keller had a white cake with chocolate frosting. Both were decent. I'll leave it at that.

Cupcake Love (Solana Beach, CA): I haven't yet had the pleasure of going into this shop, but I've sampled some of their goodies at a couple of events. Because it wasn't in the shop, I don't know which flavors I've had but they were gooood. I'm looking forward to going there and eating everything.  

Georgetown Cupcake (Georgetown - Wash, DC and Bethesda, MD): I have to be honest. I'm not a huge fan of Georgetown Cupcake. I know, I'm in the minority. When I lived in MD, we went to Georgetown Cupcake a few times and I tried really hard to like it. I enjoyed the flavors we had, but it didn't spark an obsession fueled with the fury and heat of a thousand suns (ahem, Sprinkles, you dirty mistress). We have sampled a good variety of offerings, including the chocolate, milk chocolate and vanilla birthday cakes, chocolate ganache and others. Again, not bad by any means, just not obsession-inducing.

Lilly Magilly's (Gaithersburg, MD): This is a cute, local cupcake place that opened right before we moved. I was pretty happy we had the chance to try it before we left. In fact, I got a nice assortment for John's birthday a couple of months before the move. Honestly, I don't remember the exact flavors we had, but I do remember really enjoying them.

That's about all I can list for now. I'm not going to list various cupcakes I've sampled at restaurants because they aren't cupcake specialists. I'm trying to stick with just cupcake bakeries, or bakeries that also do cupcakes. I know there are a lot of cupcakes in my future. I feel I am definitely up for the challenge!


     

Teach Your Children

You all know about the crazy year we've had: having twins, John getting a new job, moving across the country, etc. It's been a whirlwind but we're feeling a little more settled everyday. Part of what has helped me get back on track here in California is exploring the roads and trails as I run. Running has always been my therapy and a way for me to connect with life, and it has been no different here in our new home.

As I was looking ahead to what races I wanted to do this fall, I realized that my fall marathon will be my 10th! I am pretty excited about this, especially since it's been so difficult training with everything we have going on. I decided I wanted to do something special.

I decided to make the ING New York City Marathon my 10th marathon. It is, by far, my favorite marathon and there isn't any place else I'd like to celebrate this goal. I'll get to see my family and some friends and go all out. But I felt this wasn't really enough. So I decided to do some fundraising for the New York Road Runners Youth Programs and Team for Kids. Team for Kids are volunteers who raise funds for critical services provided by New York Road Runners Youth Programs. These programs combat childhood obesity and empower youth development via running and character-building programs in low-income schools and community centers in New York City, throughout the country, and in South Africa. You know how helping kids has always been a constant in my life, whether it was through my work with Girls on the Run, coaching kids privately, volunteering at kids races, or helping my own kid become more confident and empowered through running.

I'm asking you all for your help in bringing much-needed youth programs to the kids who really need them. These are kids who live in low-income areas and don't have access to free programs aimed at helping them live healthier lives. And what these kids learn in the programs will go back to their families, indirectly helping thousands more people be healthy. This isn't just about providing fun sports programs. This is about giving them the tools to make healthy choices, while keeping them safe and off the streets.

You can read more about my goals, what Team for Kids and the NYRR Youth Programs do and to donate to our cause by going to my personal fundraising page here: http://www.runwithtfk.org/Profile/PublicPage/8956 No amount is too small and EVERY bit helps! Please forward this email to anyone who you feel would like to give back to a wonderful organization. The more people we reach, the more kids we help.

Whether you have kids, work with kids, or know a kid, I hope you'll join us as we change lives through running! Remember, running changes everything!

THANK YOU and happy running!